


angel

by heartandseoul (tokyolights)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Multi, this is the epitome of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-11-08 00:39:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11070417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokyolights/pseuds/heartandseoul
Summary: He used to be an angel, but now he's fallen.





	1. Chapter 1

the drag of a cigarette 

_"Painting is self-discovery. Every good artist paints what he is." - Jackson Pollock_

\----

Seungcheol had painted the picture of sadness. A portrait of tears, a yearning for someone who didn't want him anymore. Yoon Jeonghan, he remembered when his heart used to race at the sound of that name. He remembered holding him tight. Drawing sketches, paintings, even digital art of Jeonghan. Jeonghan cultivated the artist in Seungcheol. Without Jeonghan, Seungcheol would be nothing, but while Seungcheol painted Jeonghan in vivid colors he didn't notice his reality with Jeonghan was getting rather dull. Now, after years of separation, Seungcheol understood. Some sketches, stained with drunken tears and graphite, imitated what could've been if he'd tried a little harder to get Jeonghan to stay.

What could've been?

Seungcheol didn't know why he tortured himself like this, taking a long drag of a cigarette inside a small Seoul apartment. He reminisced too much for his own good and thinking was just as hard for him when all his mind was clouded with was Yoon Jeonghan. Yoon Jeonghan, the man with long hair and beautiful boyish charm. Yoon Jeonghan, the first- _ **and last**_ -time he was intimate with anyone. Yoon Jeonghan, his first- _ **and last**_ -love. Jeonghan had been the one to break it off anyways, something about being rich and held to a rich son's standard, so Seungcheol didn't understand why his heart had been insulted. They weren't even a full on item before Jeonghan bore the horrible news. But Seungcheol immortalized Jeonghan in his art, his way of life, who he was and it all happened so fast just to end so quickly.

Seungcheol had been a wreck for months, cementing the note Jeonghan wrote in his mind. _Dear Cheol_ \- Cheol, the nickname made him sick to his stomach-I _'m so sorry we can't be together, and my heart. It bleeds for what could've been. Surely, we'll briefly keep in contact, but as you and I both know my status in society frowns upon whatever we're doing._ Seungcheol couldn't muster up the courage to call, to ask what was wrong, but he knew that Jeonghan hadn't been the one writing that. He couldn't have been, not after all the I-love-you's and the promises of forever Jeonghan had told him.

Sure, Seungcheol hadn't been the richest of people. He had a full hundred dollars to his name the day he and Jeonghan met outside of the little coffee shop. Jeonghan commented on the spot of paint on his face and wiped it off for him before he went inside. For that, Seungcheol offered a free drink. It seemed like a weird reason to offer a coffee, but Seungcheol had been so entranced by the man that he didn't even think about it.

"On the house," he remembered saying, and Jeonghan smiled. They started up a conversation and offered to meet each other somewhere so they could talk more. And they did talk more. They talked so often they got to know every little thing about the other and just like that, they started dating.

So Seungcheol knew that note couldn't have been Jeonghan's doing.

Seungcheol called once, but when Jeonghan didn't answer the first time he hung up. _Maybe he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore_ , Seungcheol thought. There were tears threatening to poke from his eyes. His fists were clenched so much so that his knuckles turned white. He quickly deleted Jeonghan's number. He thought he could be strong about it, but he couldn't. He had a bottle of brandy and a pack of Marlboro cigarettes from his last trip to America. _With Jeonghan_ , his brain added just to insult his misery by adding more on, _he'd been the reason why you stopped these cancer sticks in the first place, but now he's gone._

Seungcheol had been so frustrated with himself, looking at all his sketchbooks that were tainted with memories of Jeonghan and his betrayal, tainted with lies and anger, that he burned them. All his sketchbooks, all the oil paints. He donated acrylics to his local arts school. The digital art had been deleted and Seungcheol thought that would be the end of Yoon Jeonghan.

All left was one measly pack of water colors and a single piece of water color paper.


	2. Chapter 2

what can i do about the past?

_"Art is whatever you can get away with" - Marshall McLuhan_

 ----

Jeonghan had been doing some sketching.

Seungcheol had been on his mind lot these days, the way his lips curled up into his brilliantly constructed smile. Drawing, as well as any visual arts medium, brought Seungcheol joy. Jeonghan loved when Seungcheol was happy, the most vivid memory of happiness Jeonghan could remember was because of him and his determination to crack Jeonghan's hardened exterior. Seungcheol never gave up on trying to break the tough, albeit composed, exterior and succeeded.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan had met in a very strange time and place. When they met they were both baby-faced freshman, high school being the only place where people of Jeonghan's status could ever meet someone like Seungcheol. Jeonghan remembered laughing at Seungcheol's antics, wondering why Seungcheol tried talking to a big shot like him. No matter how many nasty words were said, no matter how many dirty looks were shot at him, Seungcheol never stopped approaching. He wore his best smile at every given moment, willing to befriend someone who possibly didn't like him and to prove himself.

Jeonghan soon found out that Seungcheol had little to no friends because he wasn't like everyone else. Jeonghan finally understood why Seungcheol was always nice to everyone unlike most kids at the academy. He was the first one in a rich school to survive on government checks and scholarships, the first kid in school to work after school to afford tuition, but he had high hopes and dreams no one could crush. Fifteen year old Jeonghan found that admirable in a way, and decided to not be as cold and nasty towards him. Seungcheol's family had been poor and Jeonghan had been falsely assuming Seungcheol had been like everyone else when in all reality, Seungcheol wasn't.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan had become friends after Jeonghan realized Seungcheol's situation not out of pity, but because he could admire Seungcheol's hard work.

Graduation came by faster than Jeonghan had hoped. He and Seungcheol, who everyone thought of as the weird kids in the academy, were graduated at the top of their class and Seungcheol got a scholarship to a very prestigious art school. He'd always been good and Jeonghan was proud of him.

"We're still gonna be friends right?" Seungcheol asked,"No matter what schools we end up in?"

"What kind of question is that Cheol?" he replied, "Of course we are. In fact, I have something I need to get off my chest okay? Promise me you won't freak out."

"Of course," Seungcheol said, "What's wrong?"

Jeonghan had to breathe before he admitted his admiration became a little more than just admiration. Jeonghan had fallen in love and it wouldn't feel right if he didn't tell Seungcheol how he felt.

"I like you Cheol," Jeonghan admitted, "More than I should? Probably, but I don't care. I like you so much."

"How long were you keeping that in Jeonghan? We've known each other for how long?" Seungcheol laughed, "Besides, I like you too. You're cute."

They intertwined their fingers and that's when it all started. When Jeonghan recalled that memory it seemed like a dream. It seemed like it couldn't be real after their nasty fall out. Jeonghan knew he messed up, leaving in the middle of the night without explanation. He knew he made a mistake when he saw Seungcheol's number flash upon his phone screen and refused to pick it up. He thought it was for the better, Seungcheol didn't deserve someone who'd be more of a burden than help anyways. He'd dealt with struggle all of his life, something was finally looking up for him. Jeonghan couldn't destroy that.

So he put aside his love for Seungcheol all in the name of giving him a better shot at surviving. After all, when you got entangled with the Yoon family you tend to get crushed by miles upon miles of debt if they deem you unworthy. Jeonghan didn't want that for Seungcheol.

  
Jeonghan looked back at his canvas and, surely enough, Seungcheol had been there. his silhouette had been outlined with vague features being sketched in. Jeonghan looked back at the other drawings that had, surely enough, been of Seungcheol. He held them close to his heart. He thought about calling Seungcheol, but he couldn't. What could Jeonghan even say? I'm sorry for abandoning you even though I told you I'd never leave? I didn't want to leave, but my father threatened to bring you down and I couldn't stand for that?

I still love you despite doing all the one horrible thing I promised I'd never do?

Seungcheol wouldn't believe that.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

chapter three: wen junhui

_"art is the lie that enables us to see the truth" - Pablo Picasso_

Jun was a brother to Seungcheol.

They'd been through a lot together. Heartache, struggle, whatever else teenage boys went through. They did it all together, and that is what made them friends way beyond just high school. It was funny because Seungcheol was very introverted. He sat by the fountain in the front of campus and drew during lunch, slurping up Ramen after he was done as quickly as he could before the transition bell rang. He was a freshman with no friends, often looking at people like Jun and getting kind of upset. He envied his social ability , how confindent he was talking to other people, and how easy it was for him to joke around with other people. He wanted to be able to do something like that, but everyone else was too busy out-casting him or poking fun at him because he was an art major, so he didn't even try to make friends.

It wasn't until Jun approached Seungcheol that Seungcheol was able to experience good, healthy friendship.

"The name's Jun," Jun introduced, "I assume you're my ge so I'll address you as such, but you look lonely and I for the life of me don't like that look."

"Seungcheol," Seungcheol replied, clutching his sketchbook to his chest, "What's a ge?"

"It's Chinese for older brother," Jun replied with a smile, "Actually, it's kind of slang for older brother since the actual, formal term is gege. Anyways I must be boring you heh. Sorry." Seungcheol noted that Jun liked to ramble a bit. He also noted that this was the first time someone talked to him without malicious intent. He smiled a bit, opening his sketchbook back to the page he was drawing on. It was quiet, the type of quiet that made things kind of awkward but it was the type of quiet Seungcheol enjoyed to some extent.

"Hey your drawing is fantastic," Jun said as he peeked over at Seungcheol's sketchbook, "All I can do is dance. That's not nearly as cool as what you can do."

"That's incorrect," Seungcheol replied after closing the sketchbook, "You can dance, you're social and your major doesn't get constantly picked on by others. That's cooler than absent-mindedly scribbling on a paper, having to take multiple anatomy classes, and being a recluse because of it ."

Jun laughed. Seungcheol didn't know what was funny about that, it was actually true. Seungcheol hardly spoke to anyone, unless he had an art collaboration project which he'd normally pick Jinwoo from the junior class for since he wasn't a complete dick.  "Hey can I take a look?" he asked, eyes basically pleading with Seungcheol.

"Sure," Seungcheol replied, "Just don't go past page fifty-seven." Jun nodded, Seungcheol handing him the sketchbook with a hint of regret in his eyes. Jun was entranced by his art and Seungcheol didn't know if it was because the art was good or that Jun was actually looking through pages upon pages of garbage. Jun handed Seungcheol back his sketchbook, a look of admiration on his face as he handed it back.

"Ah Seungcheol, art is just fascinating," Jun sighed, "If I could re-audition and was actually sure I'd get in, I would've gone for visual arts, but alas. I have no experience."

"I could teach you," Seungcheol offered, "I have my old anatomy studies in my bag for reference if you want to learn during lunch."

Jun's eyes lit up, body bouncing up and down as he shook his head. "You'd do that for me Seungcheol ge?" Jun asked.

"Sure," Seungcheol replied, "Doesn't hurt to get a bit social. Even if it is just because I'm teaching you something." They shook hands before Jun pulled him into a hug, which was awkward for Seungcheol but reassuring.

Their friendship continued just like that. Seungcheol would teach Jun what he'd learned during lunch and Jun would keep him company in return. It wasn't a bad trade if Seungcheol really thought about it. A lot less people stared at him for being alone all the time, and he got to teach something he loved to someone who was a friend. Seungcheol found that Jun really excelled in drawing cartoon type figures, and geared him towards that instead of realistic drawing.

"You can exaggerate some features," Seungcheol told him, "Like most manhwa artists I've read like to exaggerate the eyes to make their characters look more cute."

"Like this?" Jun asked, enlarging the eyes of the female character he and Seungcheol had been drawing.

"Exactly," Seungcheol praised, "That's exactly right."

Seungcheol gave Jun a high five and they kept drawing together.


	4. Chapter 4

lovely lover

_Art is the lie that enables us to see the truth - Pablo Picasso_

\---

"Wen Junhui don't talk to me about having anything rough," Seungcheol sighed, "Minghao needs convincing, that's all that's wrong here. And while you're at it, don't you even dare think about placing that brush stroke there, it'll throw off your proportions, move it more to your right."

It wasn't the first time Jun had been having boy troubles and Seungcheol didn't think it'd be the last. Xu Minghao was one lucky son of a bitch to be loved by Jun as intensely as he was. Jun couldn't say that he loved anyone, other than Seungcheol of course, as much as he loved Minghao. He was the other Chinese kid in the dance department of their high school and he was the one who'd reminded him of home in Shenzhen despite not even being from there. All the memories Jun had of Minghao were positive, so it was only a matter of time before he fell in love with him. 

Seungcheol caught on very fast, even when he wasn't with the junior-turned-senior during the time he confessed. Seungcheol got multiple text messages from Jun. _He's so dreamy,_ one read and Seungcheol  kind of wanted to throw up, but didn't. He replied with a simple _aw, that's cute_ and waited for Jun to ramble some more about the perfect shape of his eyes or how Minghao was always up for a conversation in their mother language. Seungcheol wondered how long Jun was gonna go without asking Minghao out because when Minghao was taken he knew Jun was gonna cry.

It wasn't until Jun and Minghao had to pair up for their final dance that Jun had worked up the courage to ask. Seungcheol heard all about that from Jun. _The emotion is love,_ Jun cried, and I've never been more happy in my life. Seungcheol was invited to the gala and everything. He was happy for Jun, he really was, but Seungcheol didn't want to hear about love anymore. It had been around the time Jeonghan had called the big split and Seungcheol wasn't too fond of anything lovey-dovey anymore, but he went to support his friend. 

"Cheollie I thought you gave up on art," Jun laughed, and just like that Seungcheol was back in the real world," I just want everything to be perfect. I really want him to say yes to moving in with me. I'm twenty-four and never thought about settling down with anyone in my life, and then Minghao appeared. I really need to impress him for the three year anniversary. "  

"Look at you, kid in love," Seungcheol laughed, "It was only yesterday we were drawing while getting jelly from sandwiches all over the damn paper."

Seungcheol really was happy for Junhui. He really was, and he hoped everything between Minghao and Jun would turn out fine. He hoped they'd live out that happy life they were planning on, and he hoped that Minghao didn't rip out his heart even if it was because of circumstances he couldn't control. He couldn't shake that this whole situation felt too much like his and Jeonghan's, that they were planning too fast and that would only lead to disaster. Seungcheol knew Minghao wasn't Jeonghan though and Seungcheol shouldn't even have begun to compare them, but there was something deep in his stomach that told him something was wrong.

"Hey Cheol, you okay?" Jun asked, looking skeptically at him.

"Yeah fine," he replied quickly, "Why do you ask?"

"It's Jeonghan again right? You're thinking about him?"

"No."

Seungcheol was used to lying straight through his teeth about this topic. He didn't _like_ to think about Jeonghan more than he had already, but his brain was always asking him simple questions. _Do you ever wonder what Jeonghan's doing these days?_ his brain taunted him agan, _do you think he's married to a pretty girl who's everything you weren't?_ Seungcheol didn't know why he did that to himself sometimes. _It shouldn't matter_ , he wanted to scream, _he's nothing to me anymore. He made his bed and he's gonna lie in too._

"Jun I'm gonna head to the market to pick up some groceries," he said, putting down the art palette, "Do you need anything?"

"I need you to tell me what the hell is going on with you," Jun muttered, "And pretzels would be nice."

"Got it on the list. I'll be back soon okay?"

"Okay."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo yo yo sorry for this being such a short chapter, i'm currently stuck on where to move this along to. i hope it doesn't distract you too much from what's going on in the actual chapter. /).(\


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